"... i just know he has this longing for freedom he tries to hide; he has a kind wife, semi-alright kids, hard work, plenty of money, but there still seems to be something missing. i think it may be the ennui of the working world, which it seems most everyone that has worked for years & years experiences.. it seems logically inevitable though. but not everyone has the freedom to just change up their profession & lifestyle every year to satisfy cravings for substantial change. unfortunately most professions necessitate long-term dedication & i think, in turn, entrapment of the employee. although change may be a craving, it can also be something to be feared. also the reason many people may cheat on their spouse, but never find the guts within themselves to actually leave them altogether; entrapment. change is the polar opposite of comfort for most i think, but me, i quite enjoy change. i used to feel the need to travel every single month, i would fall in love with a new person every other week, i would move apartments at least every year, i would switch up my second drug of choice quarterly, i would go from favoriting bellinis to favoriting beer to favoriting champagne to favoriting whiskey all in the span of a single night.. et cetera et cetera. but perhaps my penchant for change is really just a sign of A.D.D. which is really just a sign of the times, what with high speed internet & information & instant gratification, A.D.D. is something everyone can legitimately claim to have now i reckon.
ohgod, excuse me, i'm rambling on with nonsensical pseudo-psychological, -philosophical babble. so yes, i am young yet, i am me, i live my life, i do what i want.. this is true. but i don't feel truly fulfilled just yet. i must tell you. all these things i do aren't that in-depth, in hindsight, they too are mere appearance. after all, isn't all online activity some sort of appearance. i read this quote recently, it went something like this: there's real life, double life, & online life. which i believe to be really really true. though the things i write about on my blog or wherever are true to life, & the photos are truly me, they are all specifically chosen from a vast pool of things to be presented to the public. so what i'm saying is perhaps if those things were seen in conjunction with the rest of the stuff i chose not to publicize, maybe they would be viewed differently. i guess online publicity is what the presenter themself views to be ideal. obviously people don't normally post up the ugliest most candid shots of themselves on the internet, they post up the shots in which they think themselves to look most appealing. ..."
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| frozen2ocean |
Strangers
Portishead
