///EBBANDHOLLOW///

Negativity had become a mythical creature to me, one I believed I was now strong enough to beat on a daily basis. But lately there has been a xylophone ever so lightly tapping in the periphery of my mind, not allowing me to sleep. That single note, repeating and recurring till it bore an endless hole of irrational fears.

Him and I, we are the closest two beings could ever be but, in a dimension of space and time, we are as far as the north and south poles. Time spent is precious and, when we are apart, all we have are distances made shorter by electromagnetic waves, old photographs or recordings, songs we listened to together, drawings I made while he played guitar beside me. He would draw pictures for me with his guitar, and I would always feel the urge to say I love you when he finished because it felt like that's what he was strumming to me.

Right now, he is not here, Hebb and Holloway are. And, instead of closing this endless hole, they are adding to its depth, but I sing along anyway and find a miniature version of myself running along beside them, with a smile I've never seen before and tears I excuse as sweat. I hate being a facade, but that's what I've been lately, and I feel guilty, apologetic, weak. For people that think I am that rock in their life, know that rocks are breakable too, they crack and crumble, but all those millions of little pieces make up a whole that still exists.. somewhere out there.

I once believed that happiness was something that could be a permanent fixture in one's emotional being. This is untrue -- balance is the permanent fixture. And this temporary bout of intense fear is here to balance the love overflow.

Dear balance, I appreciate you, but damn do you hurt.

Photographs by me & Ixchel Lara ~ Composition by me

Hurt So Bad

Nancy Holloway

///INCHES///

The personification of the non-human world. Isolating specific parts of the bigger picture, & bringing out the beauty in the individuals. Too often we scan through life seeing the usual freeway landscape. Through a camera lens the perfect composition of a certain section of an overpass can be singled out & appreciated. I see the world inch by inch, not minute by minute.

///CRAFT///

Playing with guns after midnight, unifying things in the physical, pieces from very disparate realms, I came across a thread that did not yet wish to let go, flailing in a wind I could not feel. I tugged at it, for the sake of clean edges, rolling it between two odd fingers. Now the union seemed perfect, immaculate, but I knew its past of loose threads, and the wind sang in its memory.

Outside, the sky reflected my eyes, lachrymose for love, drops of shadow refracting moon and star. In the chill of it all, was revealed a thread of inspiration. I followed it, to the fraying end, my mind scattered in branches, many. One of those branches led me to slumber, I forgot about the rest, though they still existed, bending with the wind like bows. My dreams were arrows, once near, later distant, and distant was always closer than I imagined.

Photographs I took at a Ball-Nogues show in 2009 ~ Compositions I made today

Luna (Sketch4Rose)

Asonic Garcia