///TUDE///

I’ve become very accustomed to solitude, with the only somewhat live company being a podcast or an assortment of music, or the buses stopping & starting in tune to the homeless guy going insane in the streets below. My dad worries about me becoming a recluse again. I used to lock myself in my room for weeks on end: landline unplugged, computer shut down, cellphone offed, door unanswered, & sleep unending. But that was all in my deepest inexplicable depressions. Now, the solitude is different. Rather than it stemming from me being un-ok with myself, it seems to stem from me being the complete opposite. I’m accepting & open enough to indulge all the desires & questions I have for myself; to have time of my own, for my own; to listen to my head & follow my feelings with minimal distraction. It’s amusing to give my mind space to really wander, & to acknowledge all the random people & ideas that come into clarity. When we involve ourselves so often in social events, our minds are somewhat restricted, guided or dictated (however you prefer to look at it) by the conversations at hand. A lack of the usual overinformation & crowding means more room for uninterrupted creative ideas & the ability to grow the plant from the seed. Usually my mind is so busy with so much that many seeds are planted but never even get the chance to grow.

As well as social life, time hasn’t been a relevant concept lately either. I sleep when I want & wake when I want, not having to fulfill anyone else’s meetings or deadlines. For reasons unknown, whenever I’ve an unbounded schedule, my natural tendency is always a return to nocturnalism. & I do miss the sun, & I do miss nature. I know once I get out of this cast & am driving again, I’ll probably never be at home. Thus, this temporary period of nocturnal solitude is something to be cherished. It’s not often we give ourselves time like this. We’re so dependent on others to bring us our fun & excitement & happiness, forgetting that we can achieve those things in solitude as well. By no means am I saying we should all become complete hermits, there can be a different sort of inspiration & motivation found only in others, but we can all gain something from a little solitude every now & then. & no matter what, we’ll always have the stars.

. zone out .

. plug in .

. flow .

Coffee

Yuna

~ all photos by ixchel lara ~