///HOWL///

Written June 9th, 2005:


NOT HOWL [just inspired by howl..]

I
i saw the best mind of my own destroyed by lassitude, starving lackadaisical bored,
dragging itself through hours wasted in freak-slumber or mere unconscious-consciousness
looking for the cure; 'girls don't cry'
lachrymose long gone.
day, night, all the same to her.
a soulstar*.
wealth became seeming-poverty, quarter-life spent & survived on coffee & cigarettes,
every night slept with talking stomach, such normalcy.
hands frozen in the death of winter, typing away whatever came to mind.
a must. incoherent, non sequitur, no matter.
selfish tasks of a selfless one.
tobacco reek, thank god for whitening.
thank god but never baptized. ever. agnostic at most.
baring inner-thoughts to very few & mostly strangers. who can i amaze today?
minimum effort but still passed. avoided expulsion with silent renowned charm.
& authorities conferencing, oft-telling "you have such potential" "you're a very intelligent girl"
i left trying behind. almost gave up.
a hiatus of hardcore revelry & i, a scholar. when realization finally dawned.
thank god? no. thank me.
'soulstar* you've come so far from where you started'
a mind once destroyed now recovered.

II
[in due time]